Hold That Smile

You meet a guy. He’s married. He tells you so because he’s “got nothing to hide”. He asks you out for coffee. You think: he’s a good guy, we could be friends. You accept. Over coffee the two of you talk about anything and everything. Bonding, you think. The next day he asks to meet again. And the next day. Soon he is on your mind a lot. He tells you he misses you too. Later when he hugs you longer than a friend should you let him. Feelings develop. It’s all good. Except soon you find yourself thinking about him and her. What he does with her when he is not with you. It makes you sad. Because you know he is hers. He already said he will never leave her. You hide your sadness so you don’t worry him. It gets harder. One day you break. You show him your sadness. “Sorry I never meant to hurt you” he says and walks away.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

It scares me how easily Matt can leave this relationship. I find myself increasingly accommodating to him – not demanding too much of his time and hiding my feelings of unhappiness etc – because I am afraid that I’ll lose him. I must keep that smile on my face, I remind myself.