The Matrix
I realized today during lunch with my sis and her family, how different it is being in an affair with Matt, versus being in a marriage.
Lunch started off well enough with my sis and brother-in-law making idle conversation that weren’t all that thought provoking but which I suppose were necessary to fill in the silences. To note, this is atypical of my dynamics – we don’t talk much about the REAL issues.
Anyway, Little Noddy was restless and expectedly, he decided to stir things up a bit by throwing a tantrum and refusing to eat his lunch. Now, patience has never been a trait of my sis’ and in recent weeks, my brother-in-law’s tolerance of her impatience has somewhat waned. It came as little surprise then, after half-hearted attempts at coaxing Little Noddy to eat, that my sis and brother-in-law launched into a fight.
I suddenly lost my appetite. Was this what marriage and family are about? And is this the frustration Matt felt in his marriage? You see, I recognize that what Matt and I have is plainly, his escape from REALITY. Reality being his marriage and family and the frustrations that come with them, which on sober occasions I actually think are part and parcel of life and really, no reason to seek solace in another woman.
On the other hand, our world is surreal. When we are together, we can indulge in each other and pretend that the world around us is non-existent. But this also means that I am not the one he experiences LIFE with. I tend to think that it’s the hard times, rather than the good, that bring people closer. That’s why I know that he must never just compartmentalize me in that part of his world where babies-don’t-need-nappy-changes and romance-rules.
On my way home from lunch, I couldn’t resist buying four tubs of ice cream home. Yes, I’m ashamed to say I purged again. Why? I think you know better than I allow myself to acknowledge.
Lunch started off well enough with my sis and brother-in-law making idle conversation that weren’t all that thought provoking but which I suppose were necessary to fill in the silences. To note, this is atypical of my dynamics – we don’t talk much about the REAL issues.
Anyway, Little Noddy was restless and expectedly, he decided to stir things up a bit by throwing a tantrum and refusing to eat his lunch. Now, patience has never been a trait of my sis’ and in recent weeks, my brother-in-law’s tolerance of her impatience has somewhat waned. It came as little surprise then, after half-hearted attempts at coaxing Little Noddy to eat, that my sis and brother-in-law launched into a fight.
I suddenly lost my appetite. Was this what marriage and family are about? And is this the frustration Matt felt in his marriage? You see, I recognize that what Matt and I have is plainly, his escape from REALITY. Reality being his marriage and family and the frustrations that come with them, which on sober occasions I actually think are part and parcel of life and really, no reason to seek solace in another woman.
On the other hand, our world is surreal. When we are together, we can indulge in each other and pretend that the world around us is non-existent. But this also means that I am not the one he experiences LIFE with. I tend to think that it’s the hard times, rather than the good, that bring people closer. That’s why I know that he must never just compartmentalize me in that part of his world where babies-don’t-need-nappy-changes and romance-rules.
On my way home from lunch, I couldn’t resist buying four tubs of ice cream home. Yes, I’m ashamed to say I purged again. Why? I think you know better than I allow myself to acknowledge.
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