What Is He Thinking?
I miss Matt so much. But I know I should not see him or talk to him. Message him or call him. Deceive myself and think that he still cares. Although god knows how much I want him to still be who I thought, and perhaps still think, he was.
What is he thinking now? Is he as miserable as me? Does he miss me? What is he doing? Who is he doing it with? These are the thoughts that plague me when I can't sleep, can't eat, oversleep and overeat.
What I want to hear is :"The only reason he hasn't called you is because his debilitating sadness has left him lying on the floor of his apartment in a pizza box full of tears." "The only activity he's been able to manage is feverishly plan a way to win your heart back." "He may never smile or laugh again." Yes, in a perfect world, Matt should be tormenting himself, wondering how he could have made such a mistake and hurt me so, and remembering all the good times we had together.
But NO. Matt had a huge headstart on the emotional healing when he dumped me. However long he had entertained ending our relationship was how long he's been weaning himself off me. If I know him well enough, life is probably going on per normal for him and his family. Spending time with Wifey. Coaching Eunice. Taking them out to gatherings with friends.
The fact of the matter is that once he got over the initial guilt, he probably felt relief. "He feels bad about hurting your feelings, he misses you sometimes and even thinks of calling, but ultimately he is relieved that it's over."
This is the reality I live with each and everyday since he left. It's a bitter pill to swallow.
What is he thinking now? Is he as miserable as me? Does he miss me? What is he doing? Who is he doing it with? These are the thoughts that plague me when I can't sleep, can't eat, oversleep and overeat.
What I want to hear is :"The only reason he hasn't called you is because his debilitating sadness has left him lying on the floor of his apartment in a pizza box full of tears." "The only activity he's been able to manage is feverishly plan a way to win your heart back." "He may never smile or laugh again." Yes, in a perfect world, Matt should be tormenting himself, wondering how he could have made such a mistake and hurt me so, and remembering all the good times we had together.
But NO. Matt had a huge headstart on the emotional healing when he dumped me. However long he had entertained ending our relationship was how long he's been weaning himself off me. If I know him well enough, life is probably going on per normal for him and his family. Spending time with Wifey. Coaching Eunice. Taking them out to gatherings with friends.
The fact of the matter is that once he got over the initial guilt, he probably felt relief. "He feels bad about hurting your feelings, he misses you sometimes and even thinks of calling, but ultimately he is relieved that it's over."
This is the reality I live with each and everyday since he left. It's a bitter pill to swallow.
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