The End
Dear Matt,
This past two weeks, I have been the saddest girl in the world. I have been consumed with despair, confusion and anger - truly devastated. I’ve cried into glass after glass of pinot noir. I’ve smoked packs of cigarettes. I’ve lost my appetite. I’ve binged to forget and then purged to NOT WANT. I’ve slept too much. I’ve not slept. I’ve watched sad movies. I’ve sang sad songs. I’ve flirted with other men. I’ve distracted myself. I’ve obsessed. I’ve rebounded. I’ve tired out my friends who truly cared about me.
I never used to be this way. I used to be able to walk away and not care. You, Matt, were my kryptonite. And like Superman, I was powerless in your wake.
But you see, just like in the movies, Superman has to figure out a way to overcome kryptonite. Thankfully, I have slowly but surely learnt to overcome you. It's excruiatingly difficult, but it gets easier each day.
I knew right from the beginning that our relationship was never meant to be. And now, I know that I never really did have you. Not in the way Wifey has you. No. I was and will always just be another girl who came into your life, and then went out of your life. There was a time I thought I could have stayed with you as the other woman forever. I thought we had something special, our shared interests and thoughts.
I guess I thought wrong. No doubt some part of it must have been real. But not real enough, I suppose, for you to stay. I wish you had not reached out to me in the first place. I wish I did not meet you. In a year's time, you may not even remember who I was.
I'm letting go now.
It’s wildly empowering. The best worst news is that we have broken up. At least there’s no more dreading when and if I’m going to see you a particular night, how bad I’m going to feel, and the agony when my mind goes wild thinking about you and her. I'm at peace now - no more agonizing, no more drama. It’s acknowledging that “Even with all the mayonnaise in the world, you can’t make chicken salad out of chicken shit.”
Yes, it’s called a break-up because it’s broken. And from this adversity, I trust I will learn and become a stronger person. Thanks for everything you've done for me. I know you cared.
Love, Lizzie
This past two weeks, I have been the saddest girl in the world. I have been consumed with despair, confusion and anger - truly devastated. I’ve cried into glass after glass of pinot noir. I’ve smoked packs of cigarettes. I’ve lost my appetite. I’ve binged to forget and then purged to NOT WANT. I’ve slept too much. I’ve not slept. I’ve watched sad movies. I’ve sang sad songs. I’ve flirted with other men. I’ve distracted myself. I’ve obsessed. I’ve rebounded. I’ve tired out my friends who truly cared about me.
I never used to be this way. I used to be able to walk away and not care. You, Matt, were my kryptonite. And like Superman, I was powerless in your wake.
But you see, just like in the movies, Superman has to figure out a way to overcome kryptonite. Thankfully, I have slowly but surely learnt to overcome you. It's excruiatingly difficult, but it gets easier each day.
I knew right from the beginning that our relationship was never meant to be. And now, I know that I never really did have you. Not in the way Wifey has you. No. I was and will always just be another girl who came into your life, and then went out of your life. There was a time I thought I could have stayed with you as the other woman forever. I thought we had something special, our shared interests and thoughts.
I guess I thought wrong. No doubt some part of it must have been real. But not real enough, I suppose, for you to stay. I wish you had not reached out to me in the first place. I wish I did not meet you. In a year's time, you may not even remember who I was.
I'm letting go now.
It’s wildly empowering. The best worst news is that we have broken up. At least there’s no more dreading when and if I’m going to see you a particular night, how bad I’m going to feel, and the agony when my mind goes wild thinking about you and her. I'm at peace now - no more agonizing, no more drama. It’s acknowledging that “Even with all the mayonnaise in the world, you can’t make chicken salad out of chicken shit.”
Yes, it’s called a break-up because it’s broken. And from this adversity, I trust I will learn and become a stronger person. Thanks for everything you've done for me. I know you cared.
Love, Lizzie
1 Comments:
I sympathize very much with you in what you’ve been through these past few weeks. I expect your emotional withdrawal from Matt won’t be unlike withdrawing from an addictive drug, since to be passionately in love with someone is to be addicted to them, and, whilst in the throes of this love, to contemplate life without the person you are so passionate about is like contemplating death, since the joy of being in this state of passion far exceeds anything a drug can offer, so truly wonderful is it.
Once you’ve recovered from Matt you may appreciate again having control and power over your life, for, in the situation you’ve been in, you, as the Outsider, had almost no control over it, since Matt had all the power.
Most times, being in love is a two-edged sword, with the inevitable pain being as intense as the joy of the love. It’s almost as if there’s a universal principle that if we do love someone passionately we’ll be punished for it. Perhaps the Buddhists are right, that to live is to suffer, and that life is nothing but suffering.
It’s my general rule not to regurgitate proverbs, but I’ll break my rule this once and remind you of the proverb that says it’s better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. So I hope you find someone else to love passionately even if it does lead to subsequent pain, of the sort you are now undergoing, for, unfortunately, this is what life’s about.
Post a Comment
<< Home